The Great Perhaps and Grander Maybes

“I go to seek a Great Perhaps. That’s why I’m going. So I don’t have to wait until I die to start seeking a Great Perhaps.” – John Green, Looking for Alaska

Update: Back in 2015, my mind and heart were set on this BIG adventure. Little did I know that more than the financial preparations, I had to be emotionally and spiritually prepared as well.

greatperhapsgrandermaybesFor those thinking of seeking the great perhaps, of traveling the world and free-falling into the unknown, you will be able to relate to this post.

November 2014, it was just an idea – something I may or may not consider, something a bit far-fetched bordering crazy even but then, a sudden shift occurred and without me even realizing it, I already took that leap of faith.

What the heck am I talking about? The idea of becoming a long-term traveler and a global citizen.

So far, these are the small steps I’ve taken, and each step takes me closer and closer towards that dream:

  • I moved out of my condo and moved in with my sister to save more money
  • enrolled in TEFL online course to get certified in teaching English in foreign countries
  • finally got the courage to tell my mom and some relatives
  • write a blog regularly that eventually will transform into a travel blog as soon as I begin my life on the road
  • made the decision to file for resignation at work on March 13th
  • applications for NBI clearance and passport are on its way

There’s still a lot more to do and I have 3 months, give or take, left before that life-changing, free-falling into the unknown moment finally begins.

Going back, I didn’t realize how emotionally challenging it will be to undergo all these. Moving out for instance. I have lived in 1527 for 2 years and 8 months – it witnessed so much in my life and captured countless precious moments and memories.

It came as a surprise when I started crying as I unpin photographs and started re-reading letters from my closest friends. I thought I can easily detach myself and let go but I was wrong. Little did I know that all the days and nights spent in this little space I once called home will come back and put tears in my eyes. I always have a problem dealing with attachments because in all honesty, nothing lasts forever so I try hard to avoid attachments and just wait until it passes.

I won’t argue that it is a life issue but I’ve witnessed people leaving and things lost and forgotten, leaving a devastating hole in my heart. Fortunately, there have been people who broke the walls around me and managed to get in; people who cared enough to understand and accept my imperfections and decide to stay for a lifetime, I hope.

Another obstacle I managed to overcome was telling my mom. For whatever reason, it took me a lot of courage to tell her. What transpired was quite funny and her reaction and concerns were just normal, like what any other parents would raise, as expected;but what caught me off guard was my answer to her questions:

“What made you believe that this is your calling?”

“You studied in a good school, got good grades and even acquired a post-graduate degree then you want to do this? What made you decide?”

“How sure are you?”

With all these questions, all I managed to answer was – I JUST KNOW. I, myself, were surprised as it sounded so convincing and definitely with conviction. I don’t have all the answers yet; all I know is that this is something I have to do and not doing would mean a lifetime of regrets and what ifs. I may fail, I may succeed but either way, it’s going to be life-changing and the life lessons that come with it will surely be worth leaving my comfortable life for something unknown – a great perhaps.

Indeed, it’s time to move on for bigger dreams, great perhaps and grander maybes. 3 months will just fly by and before I know it, I’m already boarding that plane, ready to embrace what the Universe has in store for me and my future self.

“For she had embodied the Great Perhaps — she had proven to me that it was worth it to leave behind my minor life for grander maybes.” – John Green, Looking for Alaska