I have been struggling lately and I need to get out.
When Miquel and I broke up, I suddenly don’t know what to do with my life. I wasn’t ready to go home last year. I wanted to continue traveling but my finances won’t allow me, so here I am now…
Lost, stuck and jaded.
I want so bad to get out again but how? How did I get in this situation? No money to travel, in a rut with my finances and no actual job. Talk about hitting rock bottom!
I’ve been trying to look for a job for several months now but nothing is coming my way. I even tried looking for jobs abroad but again, nothing. Am I really meant to stay here? Here where I feel I don’t belong anymore? Here where I feel demotivated and frustrated? And here where my life seemed to make no sense at all?
During my first break-up, I was in Vietnam. It was hard but I had all the money that allowed me to travel and it helped me a lot during that time. But now, I’m completely broke. It’s like Universe telling me to stay put because for whatever reason, she’s not allowing me to go anywhere just yet.
Why? Why? Why?
I’m not blaming Universe because it was my life choices that brought me to this situation. I am now living the consequences of my choices. If I can go back time, would I have done things differently? Perhaps. I will be more careful and smarter when it comes to my finances but that’s just it.
Everything else that happened, both good and bad, I will cherish for the rest of my life. Traveling long-term changed me in more ways than I can imagine. Loving Miquel brought so many wonderful memories and though it hurts when our relationship ended, I know that even for a short time, I was happy and I believed in love again.
So, how do I get out? I am still figuring that out every single day. Maybe there’s still a lot I need to learn before Universe gives me what I want. Maybe there are still things I need to do here, sacrifices I need to make, and road blocks I need to overcome. Maybe there’s still more growing up to do so I can be deserving of what Universe has in store for me.
Maybes.
One day, someday, everything will fall into place and when I look back, all the maybes will finally make sense.